Panda joke?

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots into the air. "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda.Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China.Eats, shoots and leaves." What does everyone think of it?I love this punctuation joke!Anyone know any other good jokes?Not the boring ones like why did the chicken cross the road. Mr Stick - the whole point is that the panda was following the bad definition in the book.Putting a comma in made it sound like he eats something, then shoots and then leaves instead of eating shoots and leaves.A joke doesn't have to tell you what's next.It had already reached the punch line!

Public Comments

  1. I like that one :) This one is funny - ways to improve your writing :) 1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren't necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should never generalize. 10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 13. Be more or less specific. 14. Understatement is always best. 15. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 17. The passive voice is to be avoided. 18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 20. Who needs rhetorical questions? 21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 22. Don't never use a double negation. 23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point 24. Do not put statements in the negative form. 25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. 26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out. 27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. 28. A writer must not shift your point of view. 29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.) 30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!! 31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents. 32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. 33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. 34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. 35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. 36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. 37. Always pick on the correct idiom. 38. The adverb always follows the verb. 39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
  2. OK I like it anymore please jeff
  3. Very good It is takes a while for confused people like me to catch on lol:P Good any more?
  4. Kas LMAO i am really on the floor. 1st time i herad that 1. So Big Thumbs up mate well done OH I THINK ALLEY HAD A PROBLEM with it
  5. THE BEST ONE EVER!!!!!! I GIVE IT A 10/10!!!! I simply loved it and I think that its supreme AWESOME AND TOTALLY ROCKING!!!!!! I don’t know where you guys dig up such great jokes which make me fall to the ground laughing.!!!!!
  6. Very cute, but Ally H... ROFLMAO, that one is great! It lost me a couple of times but I must pass that one on. Thank you so much!
  7. heeheehee
  8. that was good
  9. I don't get it? What's so funny? Why did he even do that, and what happened to the waiter? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, TELL ME!!!!!???
  10. very funny
  11. this is really funny heres my joke: Poor guy A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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